Bleeding

So yeah.
I havent updated in a while. For that, Im sorry.
Its been exactly a month and two days since my last update.
Time flies by fast, dont it? Heh.

My life last month has been...horrible. And thats putting it nicely.

I havent been tired this much ever since the 17th of January. Yes, I still remember the date she broke up with me. And yes, Im still sorta not over it.

How can you? When you love someone so much that just a thought of him/her was enough to make a bleeding hole in your heart when you miss them?

To this day, the scars have yet to heal fully. Only partially. And they're still bleeding.

I keep wondering of 'what ifs'. What if we were still together to this day? What if I was a better person? Would that have changed something?

...I doubt it.

Call me obsessed but Im not. She was the first Ive held truly strong feelings for and it hasnt changed one bit. I still do. Sigh.

...But enough about that.

In summary, April has been shitty with many downs and only a few ups. And just when I got a break, something managed to screw it up.

Yeah. Im pretty much using this blog to rant/whine/bitch and every other synonym regarding the previous words Ive used but I dont care. My blog, my business. Ya dig?

Im going to try and update at least once a week.

I'll see you next week or sooner.

Adieu.

Crossroads.

Have you wondered whether you screwed up so bad that everything little bit becomes so distorted to the point you dont know which is which anymore?

I pride myself on being emotionally strong. I rarely breakdown. The closest to a breakdown I get is being very emotionally tired. Thats it. When I want to breakdown and cry, it never happens unless something severe is about to happen...

And tonight, we shall see.

Emotion

Im tired.

Physically.

Mentally.

Emotionally.

Physically because of work.

Mentally because of too much thinking.

Emotionally...Heh. For those who know of my problems, it doesnt need to be said.

When Im physically tired, everything is funny. Im so tired that I either want to sleep. Or just do something stupid to laugh off.

Mentally, I get pounding headaches and I get the urge to want to puke. But I dont. There's always the feeling of bile at the back of my throat. No matter what I do, it wont come out.

Emotionally...They die. Or rather, they dissapear. I become apathetic to the world. Not caring of anything. In place of emotion and heart, logic and my head will rule my thinking.

And on rare occasions, I get depressed. And I get all negative and whatnot. Urgh. A depressed me = Not a pretty sight.

But in most cases, I either get violent with the need to shout and hurt. Or just being apathetic.

...Sorta lost my mood to blog now. |:

This is as much as I will do for now.

Adieu.

Because

IM IN LOVE, BAYBEE.

Yes.
You heard me right.
This once broken-hearted young man is finally over his ex and moved on.
I thought moving on would take a lot longer...But in the end, I finally found someone new.

Though she doesnt know how I feel...YET.
Im really tempted to tell her how I feel. :)
But fear, the common aspect holding most humans back...lingers in my mind. Little by little though, Im trying to gather my confidence to confess and ask her out.

Who is she, you ask?

As Ive told almost everyone else. She has gorgeous eyes, a smile that makes me melt and a voice that makes me weak in the knees. :D

And her personality? Though I have yet to fully know her since Ive only known her for...6 days, at most. Yes. In a short amount of time, I fell for her. Pretty hard.

Anyways, her personality! It's...I cant really describe it...But from what I can say, she's radiant, fun-loving and reaaaaally fun. I suck at describing personalities. HAHAHA.

Now that Ive gotten that out of my system...

Work is...again...hectic. Im really tired. >__<

Ive decided to quit at the end of March.
Well...that or end of April. I dont think I can last that long.

And apparently, I have zits now! D:

I blame lack of sleep and my beret. It probably soaked the oil from my forehead. =="

ANYWAY, I. AM. FREAKING. HAPPY.

HAHAHAHA.

I laughed a lot today. All because of the misfortune of a person. Yes. It's mean and unlike me...But if you knew the situation you'd understand why I acted that way.

I am NOT, I repeat, I am NOT a spiteful person by nature. However, only something that makes a large impact upon my heart and soul, expect a change in personality.

I am childish.
I am never serious.
I am playful.
I can be lazy.
I can be hardworking.
I am fun-loving.
I have a short temper.
I have limits to my anger.

I am many things.

I am but a person.

However, I am my own person.

And as such, I change with every experience.

Whether small or large...

A bit of me dies and a new piece awakens to change me.

I am Abdul Hafeez bin Khairul Nizam.

And I sometimes feel so lost that I dont know who I really am.

But at the end of the day, I am me.

I bid you adieu till the next time we meet.

Shashabooie!

Im suddenly tempted to buy a bouquet of flowers for her.

Who?

Im not telling. Not yet, anyways. Hahaha.

So then! Today's my off day from work and I have my day all planned out.
I'll be wasting time in front of the pc, baking some cupcakes and maybe go for a jog or two.

I know. Not much. But hey, better than doing absolutely nothing, yeah?

Anyhoo, havent the time to blog much due to work and even if I had the time, I'd probably be too tired and whatnot. >___>

Work has been...in a word, hectic. People have gotten their paychecks so it's quite atypical they would go out and SPEND SPEND SPEND. Typical Bruneian behaviour actually. And it just so happens that the past few days were all people with paychecks. So...many...100 dollar bills. And of course, there's this one dude who paid in a 500 dollar bill.

What the heck? I know you just got your paycheck, man. But still!

Will continue blogging later on. :D
See you guys then.

Homina Homina Homina

For those who just happened to come across my blog and dont know who I am...Let me introduce myself. Im Abdul Hafeez bin Khairul Nizam. Im 17. And this is my 'everyday' blog. Ive created two blogs. One for simple blogging. And another for...well, why dont you check it out later, yeah?

But for now, let's just concentrate on this one for now, aight?

I stopped blogging last year but for some unexplainable reason, Ive started blogging again. Maybe because I need a place to vent and record my life...Pfft. I have no idea. Hahaha.

Life has been...both eventful and uneventful for me. A lot of stuff. And I do mean, a lot of stuff.

I'll post about what's been happening in my life in the next post once I have the time. :)

I bid you adieu~